THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

   

    Can we keep it real for a second? 

How many of you are working a job you hate right now?

How many of you are putting all your energy into something meaningless? 

How many of you have been putting your dreams on the back burner?

        Remember, we are supposed to be keeping it real. I need your most honest and unadultered answers. Often times, we find ourselves in a place of comfortabilty. And I am not here to tell you that this is a bad thing. For some people, comfortability is all they know. They wake up in their comfortable bed, go to their comfortable job, deal with their comfortable nonsense that comes with said job, and collect their comfortable paycheck and repeat. Nothing out of the ordinary happens, they pretty much take what they can get and never question whether they will ever have more. If I have just described you, stick around you just may begin to question, just how comfortable you truly are.However, this post is for the hungry but forgetful ones. You know that there is so much more you can be doing to work toward the life you have always wanted, but somewhere along the line you have deemed it as something that would just happen or something that will come if  "its meant to be." You told yourself that you would start that business 4 years ago, lose that weight 2 kids ago, start writing that book 3 centuries ago...and it still has not happened. Have you fallen out of love with the idea, that you are not capable of doing these things? Have you given up on the idea? Has life come at you from an angle you did not expect? No matter the reason, I am here to tell you that whatever it is that you desire, it is still possible!!

   

      When I graduated high school and lost my first job, I felt so lost! I had gotten into colleges and even decided on one but I could not afford to go. Financial aid was a joke and I just could not bring myself to openly walk into a sea of debt. I had no idea what my next move would be, but I knew it required money. So I began to apply to several jobs, well a lot of jobs. I had gotten a call back from Burlington Coat Factory, got the job, long story short... I HATED IT! The pay was crap, the hours were worse, the store was hot, the list goes on. But I decided to stick with it until I found something better. Well, better called about a month later and I was ecstatic. Got that job too, quit the last one, and started with high hopes. Then the unexpected happened... I was at the register ringing up customers, doing my usual duties and I felt so unenthused. My mind was traveling to me being in school, making more money, driving, living the life I knew I was capable of creating. It was at that moment, I decided to go for it. 

 

Now I am here, writing this post to inspire you to go for it as well. Here are a few tips I believe will help you tap into that potential and claim the life you always wanted.

 

STEP 1: KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT

" Sometimes its the smallest decisions that can change your life forever." -Keri Russell

I know, I know. Knowing what you want is one of the hardest questions we can ever ask ourselves. If you are anything like me, you are super indecisive. Hell, sometimes the thought of deciding where to eat gives me anxiety. Seriously. However, there comes a time where you have to buckle down and get serious about you! Only you can make the decision for you, so this is where you will decide what you want and what it will take to get there. That is as simple as it gets. It is also important to note that in this step, you must make peace with the fact that this will not be easy. This is the road less traveled so expect plenty of bumps. 

STEP 2: ERASE ALL YOUR SELF-DOUBT

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease to be able to do it." -J.M Barrie

          

            Now, you have decided what you want to do and you are super stoked about it and BOOM!! The self-doubt begins to set in. You start thinking about all the time it will take, how you are going to fit it into your already chaotic schedule, your age, your ability to pull it off, will anyone ever read said book or buy said products....the list goes on. Basically, everything and anything that could go wrong dances around in your mind. It is inevitable. And this is usually the step where most people throw in the towel. But you are different, this will be the step that you rise to the occasion. Because you have already decided that this is what you want! And because this is what you want, you must brush off these jittery thoughts. They are the number one killers of dreams and exist solely to keep you in your comfort zone. Remember no one said that this would be easy and because we have made peace with that fact, we have just overcome our first road bump. 

 

 STEP 3: START WORKING ON THE GOAL

"All will finish but only a few will start." -J. Janae

 

         One of the biggest misconsceptions of this journey you are about to embark on is that starting is the first step. There is a reason that I chose this to be the third. When you are fighting for the life you want, your biggest competitor is you. You have to go toe-to-toe with your mind. Because as great as it is, it is designed to keep you safe. However, in this instance a little danger is necessary. There is no reward without risks so you have to go all in.  Start. Start. And start some more. That is the only way to get where you are going. Every day from your start date should  push you closer toward your the life you are creating. This is the step where you start aligning your priorities and putting them in order according to importance. For example if your goal is to write a book, your starting point should not be looking for editors and publishers, your first step should be brainstorming, forming characters, and/or your first page if letting it flow is more of your speed. The key is to just begin, not to go full throttle and tire yourself out from the idea. Moral of the story, start. 

STEP 4: MAKE TIME FOR YOUR GOALS

"It's not about having time, it's about making time." -Unknown

              

            In walks another road bump, life is still going on. Just because you decided that you were ready to tap into your full potential, and go after the life you always wanted DOES NOT mean that the world around you has done the same. You still have to work, the children still need to be taken care of, and the bills are still rolling in. Nothing we did not expect but knowing that does not make it any easier. This is known as the step where a lot of people will fall back into their own ways. It will get too hard, they will be too tired, decide to take the night off, and never go back to working on their goals. This will not be you. No one is expecting you to never sleep or put all your time outside of your priorities into this but you have to make time! Come up with a schedule that works for you and stick to it. We are only as great as the work we put in, and unfortunately when you take the road less traveled there are certain sacrifices we have to make. 

STEP 5: CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES/ REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED

"Success is a series of small wins." -Unknown

          Congratulations, you have been working on your goals, losing a little sleep, seeing a little progress, and maintaining your pace. No matter what stage you are in, continue to stay consistent, and celebrate the little things. Rome was not built in a day. It is a marathon, not a race. Be thankful for how far you have come. Most people take what life gives them without question or resistance. You have decided to do the opposite and that is something to celebrate. Make sub-goals within your initial goal and celebrate them as you achieve them. It will not only make you feel proud of this stage in your journey but it will push you to keep going. The more goals you cross off your list, the closer you are to the life you have always wanted. Celebrating these goals will also provoke you to remember why you started. Use this as your driving force, to continue and be productive in your journey. 

    Hopefully, you found this post helpful. Take a closer look at your life and make sure it is one that you would be satisfied with when it is all said and done. Time and potential are the two worse things one can waste. Because once it is gone, there is no getting it back. Do not let anything get in the way of the life you deserve to live. After all, today is the youngest you will ever be and there is no time like the present. 

 

NEGATIVE NANCY

Have you ever found yourself talking negatively about yourself? 

Does self-criticism come naturally to you? 

Do you say things like "I am so fat" or "I will never be able to do that, I'm too_____." 

                     If you answered yes to either one of these questions then congratulations love, this is the post for you. We are about to dive right into the dangers of this toxic habit and work together to tackle it head-on.

     I am sure that you all have heard of the saying "we are our own worst critic."  Which is about 99.9% true. We are usually always the first ones to put ourselves down and the last to give ourselves a compliment. Hell, this kind of speech has been implanted so far in our psyche that we tend to do it without even noticing. Speaking negatively has more power than society admits to. It can cause stress, limit the number of good things that come your way, and prevent you from reaching your full potential. The mind is the most powerful tool and also the most delicate. Without proper training, it will lack the nutrients needed to adjust this kind of thinking. Luckily, I have just the tips to assist you in making this kind of cognition a thing of the past.

STEP 1: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY THE MOMENT IT HAPPENS

 "Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and solution to the matter."-Unknown

     
           To stop negative self-talk, you have to call it out immediately. When you find yourself saying something negative or putting yourself down, try to catch yourself. If you are anything like me, you are always looking for something to pick apart or something to justify why you should not do something/why you are not capable of doing something....and I am here to tell you, YOU ARE. But it starts with taking responsibility for the way you talk about yourself. How do you expect to get anything done if you are always looking for reasons you don't deserve it?

STEP 2: BE POSITIVE

                                        "What you think, you become." - Buddha

            Negativity is infectious and very easy to pass along. Which is why we must control the amount of negative energy we disperse daily. Have you ever met someone that is smiling every time you see them? Or someone that never seems to be having a bad day? I can assure you that it is not that they are some kind of rare breed of human that is immune to the likes of hardship or difficulty. The only thing that separates them from you is their ability to choose positivity instead. Every day is not going to be roses and rainbows but choosing to speak like it is, or treating it as such can take you places negativity could never.
 Fun Fact: Did you know that positive thinking is highly associated with a longer lifespan. Who would have thought that? Definitely, something to think about.

STEP 3: CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE

            "Be careful of your speech, for what you speak, your actions will repeat." -J. Janae

         There is power in the tongue!! I cannot stress this enough. Much like any other muscle on your body, the more you work it, the stronger it will become. Your tongue is no different. If you are constantly fixing your lips to speak negatively about yourself, it will begin to translate within your actions---consciously and subconsciously. Try changing the way you speak about yourself and the environment around you. Using phrases like "I am" and "I can" are major keys to stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. Every day you should find something to celebrate about yourself. Even if it is the littlest thing like crossing everything off your to-do list or waking up early enough to fit exercise in your day. That is progress. Be proud of it. You will be surprised how many positive things you are subconsciously manifesting by having affirmative speech.

STEP 4: SPEAK IT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

"Speak those things that are not as though they were" - Romans 4:17

           

      Have you thought about your dream life lately? What does it look like? How does the house that you live in smell? Where is it located? What kind of car are you driving? What is your occupation? Are there certain people there with you? I want to hear all about it. But not in the way I just asked you. I want you to tell me as if you are already there. That's right! I want to know what your children's grades are in school and what kind of house you live in, the whole nine. But don't just tell me. Tell yourself as well. As often as you can remember to. You have to speak over the life, body, job, family, friends, relationships, etc that you want. I don't care if you are 200 pounds with a dead-end job. Speak like you are that 150lb chick with a BMW and a house on the hills with a killer career to match if that's what you are shooting for. Get comfortable with the idea of you having these things. Just like negativity, it is infectious as well. I promise you will not be disappointed with the doors that begin to open up for you. 

      

      Multi-million dollar recording artist Drake says this is something that he has always done. He would speak about being the hottest out and living in the richest neighborhood in Toronto before anyone ever knew who he was. He spoke this over his life whenever he got the chance and look where he is now. Exactly where he always knew he would be. No vision board necessary, you can do this anywhere, anytime. 

  

Sidenote: You may have noticed that this is the longest section out of all the steps. That is not on accident, it is the most important step. 

 

STEP 5: LOOK FOR THE POSITIVES 

"When all they see is the darkness, look for the light." -J. Janae

     

         As mentioned before, when you are used to constantly talking negatively about yourself the positives can become extremely difficult to find. Therefore, we must look for the positive in everything first. Can you imagine how stagnant we as humans would be if we found every excuse not to do something? We would probably still be walking around with lanterns at night. For every negative thing you can say about yourself, 3 positive things can replace that. So make a conscious effort to say those instead. After all, it is 2020. There are a lot of people that did not make it this far and the people that have are BEYOND BLESSED. Anything you want to change, upgrade, re-do, tweak, expand is more possible than ever. There are too many resources available for you to allow negativity to govern your life. It is okay to be grateful for the lemons life gives you, after all, we wouldn't be able to make lemonade without them.  

   Hopefully, you have made it this far and were able to notice the common narrative throughout this entire post. POSITIVITY is key. Speak it. Think it. Feel it. Know it. Operate in it entirely. And please note that I am not insisting that you walk around with some creepy smile like some robot incapable of any other emotion except happiness---that would be unrealistic. I am simply suggesting that you operate on the positive side of every situation. 🤷‍♀️

    Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing you in the next post. If you were the least bit of inspired from this please comment, subscribe, and share. 

                                                            -J. Janae